What happened

On February 18th, 1993 I got the call that is every mother's worst nightmare. My oldest son was shot and killed. The worst part is that he pulled the trigger. He was 17 years old.

On September 22nd, 1999 his little brother (then 22) went to the cemetary where Shane's ashes are and shot himself in the head. He wanted to be with his brother--wherever that is when you kill yourself.

It was also what happened between their deaths. Howie, Ryan's best friend, was murdered. His brief story in the blogs posted.

How much could one 22 year old take?

Monday, March 9, 2009

I miss their friends, too!

As every mother knows, when you have a couple of children close in age, you spend your life getting to know their friends, too. When Shane died, I also lost his friends who used to come by and chat with me now and then.

After Ryan died, there were no more young men (his friends) around here, either. Every so often on Ryan's birthday we all meet at the cemetary with cake and celebrate Ryan's life. That seemed to have faded away, too.

If any of the boys' friends stop by and read this, please leave me a hello?!

I miss your stories.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

How can I help someone else

when I couldn't even help my own two boys? Here's what I'm doing.

Once I realized I would never have any grandchildren, I appointed myself as a surrogate grandma. I started watching this precious little boy when he was just a few weeks old. Now he's three years old and is the light of my life. He goes to Montessori School three days a week and he stays with me the other two days.

The thing about young babies and children is you don't have time to think about the past, or worry about the future. You are in the here and now every minute. Appreciating every crumb of life.

The next project I took on is joining the Letter Writing Team for Soldier's Angels. I receive names each week and write to our Troops overseas. I thank them for the sacrifices they've made and let them know that we are still thinking of them and praying for their safe and quick return home to America.

I got out my sewing machine, took off the dusty cover and oiled it up. I've been making quilt blocks for charity quilts--going to children's hospitals and for Quilts of Valor for our wounded Soldiers.

Then came my new project: Aprons for Afghanistan! Check it out:


Happy Birthday, Shane!

You would have been 34 today.